Tank’s smile turned to a sly grin. “No freebies, my man, but do you remember the minor social revolution that made it okay to buy a Christmas tree again? That was a customer.”
Len sat bolt upright. “You’re behind the plural of moose, aren’t you?”
Tank only winked. “So what do you think? Are you ready to stand out from the crowd for a low monthly payment?” He pulled up a price list on his screen, then clacked on the keyboard to factor in the offline discount Len had ventured beyond his apartment for.
If Len could have signed over his firstborn child—not that he intended on having children—he would have. “One starter package, please.”
When he had finished the formalities, Tank showed him how to customize his new personality. Mostly, it was a simple matter of pushing sliders between poles: conservative or liberal, artsy or technical, authoritarian or laissez-faire. There were some boxes for multiple selections, like interests, taste in music, and “reasons I hate Rob Schneider’s movies.” (“It’s like a Rorschach test,” Tank explained. “Everyone hates Rob Schneider’s movies, but the reasons why say a lot about your personality.”)
“What’s the ‘randomize’ button up here in the corner?”
“It does pretty much what you think it would,” Tank answered with a congenial grin. “It creates a random personality. Would you like to try?”
“Is it safe? I don’t want to be turned into a Neo-Nazi or something.”
Tank clicked the button and a window popped up asking if he wanted to disengage safeties. “See? Leave the safeties on and the routine will randomize in the middle eighty percent of all settings so your personality isn’t too extreme. I’m guessing you don’t want to be a tree hugger, either, do you? I didn’t think so.
“Well, Len, that does it! You’re all set up to enjoy your new personality.”
Len watched Tank for a hint. How did one say goodbye? Tank saved him by getting up and extending his hand, which Len took after a moment’s hesitation. He winced at Tank’s practiced grip.
At the exit, an emptiness stretched tendrils out inside Len like kudzu. Tank hurt his ears sometimes, but conversing with him, even if it had been a sales pitch, had been… nice.
“Why the, uh … why the offline discount? Usually shops give you a better price if you buy online.”