Canadian Sorry – David Wayne Stewart

Once again, Larry had a point. Over the past five years, Margaret had gone from being a stay-at-home mom to a globe-trotting executive. During her frequent business trips, I was picking up the slack at home, chauffeuring the kids around, walking the dog, or folding piles of laundry. Larry helped me see that this recent shift in our gender roles had likely introduced new strains in our relationship.

Indeed, Larry showed me that very few of our marital conflicts were caused by Canadian-American misunderstandings at all. Rather, Margaret and I were struggling with the same challenges that all married couples faced: how to meet each other’s needs, support each other’s dreams and keep the romance alive.

I was grateful to Larry for disabusing me of my Canadian reductionism and freeing me to focus on the true drivers of our marriage—things like love, fear and forgiveness. But even Larry conceded that one of our recurring marital disputes really was just an old-fashioned Canadian-American misunderstanding.

“When you apologize to Margaret,” he explained, “she sometimes hears the opposite of what you intend. Instead of empathy, she only hears you saying sorry, and it seems like you’re making it all about you. I think it’s a Canadian thing.”

Once again, Larry had a point. I do reflexively apologize for anything bad that happens. It’s probably a way for me to avoid conflict—and a bad Canadian habit. And for that, I am truly sorry.

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