“Marvellous Jesus Christ.”
It puzzles me that the Lord and his prophet can sit down and watch teenagers have sex inside the church. But I conclude that it’s to bless their young sperm and ovaries, making them fertile and preparing them for future marital responsibilities. I didn’t have the privilege of the Lord-prophet-supervised sex as a teenager. Perhaps, that’s why I’m a barren adult.
“In your case, you’re lucky because I’ll allow you to make love to your wife here, even though you’re not a member.”
This man is indeed a generous angel from heaven. “Thank you, Master. Thank you. Thank you.”
“You’ll do the business at night so that unholy eyes won’t see you, but I must be present to seek the face of Father Lord in prayer while you’re on top of her.”
He gives me his phone number in case I decide to come tomorrow or any day. I’m now certain that sex on the mountain will smash the yoke of my infertility, and I must break this news to my wife Regina. I’m eager to return home but have to wait until the day is dark. I don’t want my neighbours to think I’ve become a cultist saturated with blood.
#
I stand at Sobi Junction for almost one hour while taxicabs refuse to take me home. They all speed off as soon as they see me disheveled like a waste disposal site. I decide to tell a meek-looking postman that I’ve had an accident, and he agrees to let me into his van, covering his nose. I’m sure I smell like a slaughterhouse.
I make it back home and creep through the wide compound full of gossipy neighbours. Regina will probably be asleep. I tap on the metal door, which we keep locked because of thieves, but she doesn’t stir. I see only a flicker of light through the keyhole. She’s turned the lantern low. I knock again, this time louder. She makes it to the door and opens it, yawning. On seeing me, she screams and recoils. I dart inside and plonk myself down on the floor. I puff and pant, struggling to calm down.
“Have you had an accident, Tim?” she asks, shutting the door.
“Not an accident, Reggie. I’ve been to a special healing session.”
‘What seems to be an easy path usually is the most difficult to navigate.’ ~Unknown
An interesting read!
I commend you for this beautiful piece. It was funny and entertaining, yet informative.
I like that you highlighted Tim’s negligence of a possible solution, all because of money, only to patronize a ‘holy service’ offering little or no assistance towards his aspirations. This is the stark reality of many men in Africa who believe in supernatural healing than their scientific counterpart. Running campaigns for awareness for men’s health while making provision of access to finance, will go a long way to solve these simple issues.
At the point I read that Tim had chimpanzee balls for a meal, I reclined and thought, “how many more animals to go?” Lol.
I await your next short story. Well done!
Wow! A beautifully crafted master piece. Bravo!