History Lessons – Toshiya Kamei

“Hey, sweetie. Did you know this?” Jimmy shouts from the couch. He grabs the remote control off the coffee table and raises the TV’s volume. Occasional flickers from the screen light his face.

I shut off the water and pause. A newscaster’s voice reaches me as she reads out what sounds like an obituary. The word “suicide” leaps in my mind and triggers dread, and I can make out only bits and pieces of what she says. I look at Jimmy.

“Self-inflicted wounds… A revolver,” the newscaster continues, and Jimmy frowns. “A best-selling author.” I avert my gaze as a grimace of pain contorts his face. A lot of Asians like Jimmy looked up to her. “Investigated Japanese war crimes. Suffered from depression. On medication.”

“Some say she was out of line. Overly involved. Lost her objectivity along the way. Some even think she exaggerated things,” I say and regret immediately the way my words came out. But it’s too late to take them back.

“What do you mean, sweetie? You’ve gotta take a stand.” Jimmy raises his voice, presumably to be heard over the noises I make in the kitchen. “You can’t be objective in the face of sheer evil. Looking away is complicity. Don’t tell me you sympathize with those denialists?”

“No, of course not. You know me, Jimmy. I’m a history major, for Pete’s sake. What I mean is she was too emotionally involved. It’s too much to take in. You lose your faith in humanity.” The images I saw earlier today flood back. I flinch and push back the nausea surging again. “But I’ve got something to tell you.” I wipe my hands with a towel hung under the sink and step toward Jimmy. I sit on the coffee table in front of him.

“What’s up, sweetie?” he asks, deepening his frown. “Shoot.”

“I love you, Jimmy.” In spite of myself, I plead. I feel everything hangs on this relationship. I need to salvage it. “You know that, don’t you? I know things haven’t been all roses lately, but it’s normal. Every couple goes through rough times. We just need to work things out.”

“I know, sweetie.” He looks at me and nods. “The world has gone haywire,” he spits out his words. “Hell, things got really shitty the last four years, and the last year has been a waking nightmare.” He sighs.

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